From Reactivity to Responsiveness: Embracing Our Inner Fix-It Parts with Compassion
Have you ever found yourself jumping in to solve a problem the moment it arises, only to realize later that perhaps what was needed wasn't a solution, but a listening ear or a moment of presence? This immediate urge to "fix" can be a familiar pattern for many of us, especially those who are deeply empathetic and attuned to the needs of others.
In the realm of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, this impulse is often attributed to a specific internal part known as the "fix-it" part. This part is a protector, striving to manage discomfort and prevent potential pain by taking swift action. While its intentions are noble, aiming to shield us from distress, its methods can sometimes lead us away from genuine connection and understanding.
Understanding the Fix-It Part
The fix-it part is a proactive protector. It believes that by addressing issues immediately, it can prevent further emotional turmoil. This might manifest as offering unsolicited advice, trying to change someone's feelings, or diverting conversations away from uncomfortable topics. While these actions are meant to help, they can sometimes hinder deeper emotional processing and connection.
Reactivity vs. Responsiveness
Reactivity is an automatic response, often driven by our protective parts like the fix-it part. It's swift, sometimes impulsive, and seeks to alleviate discomfort as quickly as possible. Responsiveness, on the other hand, emerges from our core Self—the calm, compassionate, and curious center within us. When we respond, we do so with intention, presence, and a genuine desire to understand.
Cultivating Self-Led Responses
To transition from reactivity to responsiveness, consider the following steps:
Pause and Notice: When you feel the urge to jump in and fix, take a moment to pause. Notice what's happening within you. Are you feeling anxious, uncomfortable, or overwhelmed?
Turn Inward: Gently direct your attention inward. Acknowledge the fix-it part and its desire to help. You might say, "I see you're trying to assist, and I appreciate your efforts."
Engage with Curiosity: Ask this part what it's afraid might happen if it doesn't act. Understanding its fears can provide insight into past experiences that shaped its behavior.
Reassure and Collaborate: Let the fix-it part know that while its intentions are valued, you, as the Self, can handle the situation with presence and compassion. Invite it to step back and observe as you navigate the moment.
By building a relationship with our fix-it part, we allow it to relax its grip, making space for our Self to lead. This shift fosters deeper connections, both with ourselves and others, and nurtures a sense of inner harmony.
IFS (Internal Family Systems) Informed Coaching
Coming Home to Ourselves: How IFS Coaching Supports Deep Healing and Growth
In today’s fast-paced world, where we’re often juggling responsibilities, expectations, and emotions, the path to personal growth can feel overwhelming. Whether you’re striving to meet career goals, deepen your relationships, or find more inner peace, having the right support makes all the difference. That’s where Internal Family Systems (IFS) coaching gently steps in—a compassionate, transformative approach that invites us to truly understand and care for the many parts of ourselves.
What Is Internal Family Systems (IFS)?
IFS starts with a simple yet powerful idea: we are not just one singular self, but rather a system of inner "parts"—each with its own feelings, beliefs, and desires. Some parts are protectors, stepping in to keep us safe. Others might carry old wounds or fears. And at the center of it all is the Self—our calm, wise inner presence that can lead with compassion and clarity.
These parts show up in our daily lives in big and small ways: the inner critic, the people-pleaser, the fixer, the part that just wants to be left alone. IFS coaching offers a gentle way to meet each of these parts with curiosity instead of judgment.
What Is Internal Family Systems (IFS) Coaching?
At the heart of IFS lies a profound insight: we are all made up of various “parts,” each with its own perspective, voice, and emotional imprint. Some parts are protectors, trying to keep us safe. Others carry burdens from past experiences. And at our core is the Self—a calm, curious, and compassionate presence that can lead the healing process.
IFS coaching creates a space for you to meet these parts with understanding instead of judgment, allowing deep self-awareness and inner harmony to unfold naturally.
How IFS Coaching Works
Rather than trying to “fix” or change who you are, IFS coaching invites you to slow down and listen to your inner system. With the guidance of a trained coach, you’ll learn how to:
Recognize the parts of you that may be in conflict
Understand the protective roles they've taken on
Gently unburden the parts carrying old pain
Cultivate the leadership of your Self to foster healing
Over time, clients often experience a sense of internal cohesion and emotional relief, replacing inner chaos with grounded clarity.
Key Benefits of IFS Coaching
1. Deep Self-Discovery
IFS coaching helps you uncover the patterns behind your behaviors and emotions. You begin to understand not just what you feel, but why. This empowers you to respond, rather than react, to life’s challenges.
2. Emotional Healing and Release
By tending to the younger, wounded parts of yourself with compassion, IFS coaching facilitates emotional healing at its core. Many people describe this process as a gentle unwinding—a release of long-held burdens.
3. Inner Harmony and Integration
The goal of IFS isn't to silence any part of you—it’s to help all your parts work together with trust and balance. You’re not broken or fragmented; you’re complex and whole. IFS helps you live from that wholeness.
4. Empowerment and Resilience
As you build a deeper relationship with your inner world, you’ll develop greater confidence and emotional resilience. IFS coaching empowers you to become your own guide and source of healing.
Is IFS Coaching Right for You?
If you’ve ever struggled with anxiety, self-doubt, relationship dynamics, or feeling “stuck,” IFS coaching offers a compassionate and sustainable way forward. It’s especially helpful for:
Highly sensitive individuals
Those healing from trauma
People navigating life transitions
Anyone committed to deep personal growth
At LifeTide Wellness, we approach this work with presence, care, and respect for your unique journey. IFS coaching isn’t about rushing change—it’s about creating space for true transformation.
Begin Your Journey Toward Wholeness
You don’t have to keep managing life through inner conflict or constant self-pressure. Through IFS coaching, you can come home to yourself—reconnecting with your inner wisdom, healing old wounds, and learning to lead your life from a place of calm, clarity, and compassion.
Ready to explore your inner landscape with gentle guidance?
Contact me today to learn more or schedule a free consultation.
What Is EMDR and How Can It Help Me Find Peace With What Happened?
Seeking Peace Within
Sometimes we carry the past not just in our minds, but in our bodies. A memory, a sound, a place—it all lives just beneath the surface, showing up when we least expect it. Even after talking it through, understanding it logically, or trying to “move on,” something can still feel stuck.
EMDR, or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, is a therapeutic approach developed to help people gently process and release distressing memories and the emotional charge that comes with them.
How EMDR Works
EMDR uses a technique called bilateral stimulation, often through eye movements, tapping, or sound. While recalling a memory or emotion, the bilateral stimulation helps the brain reprocess the experience—essentially untangling it from the distressing thoughts, feelings, and sensations it may be linked to.
This isn’t about erasing the memory. It’s about helping the body and mind finally register: this is over. I am safe now.
Link idea: Learn more about how EMDR works – EMDRIA.org
Why Trauma Sometimes Gets “Stuck”
When something overwhelming happens, the nervous system can go into overdrive—fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. If the experience isn’t fully processed, it can get “stored” in a way that keeps us reliving it, even subtly, through anxiety, hypervigilance, disconnection, or somatic symptoms.
EMDR taps into the brain’s natural ability to heal, even years after the event. Many people find that after EMDR, the memory remains, but it no longer hijacks the present.
Who EMDR Can Support
EMDR has been researched extensively and is used for:
PTSD and complex trauma
Anxiety and panic
Grief and loss
Attachment wounds
Phobias
Medical trauma or chronic pain
Early developmental trauma
It’s not limited to a single diagnosis or story. It’s about how the past continues to live in the present—and how we can shift that.
What EMDR Might Feel Like
Many describe EMDR as gentle yet deep. Sessions often include grounding and resourcing practices to help build internal safety before diving into more charged material. The process follows a structured 8-phase protocol, but it can be paced to meet where you are—especially important for those with complex or early trauma.
It’s not about reliving the trauma. It’s about processing it in a way that doesn’t re-traumatize.
A Body-Based, Integrative Approach
At its best, EMDR doesn’t exist in a vacuum. It can work beautifully alongside somatic practices, Internal Family Systems (IFS), parts work, or energy-based healing. Each person’s nervous system is different, and EMDR can be adapted accordingly.
Sometimes it’s not just about one event, but the slow accumulation of experiences that taught the body to stay on alert. EMDR can help untangle those layers, at a pace that feels safe and supported.
Resources to Explore
Daily Routine
Molly takes you through her morning routine.
Daily Routine: Starting Small, Building Stability
In energy medicine and quantum hypnosis, there’s so much to explore. In this blog, we’ll dive into session insights, client homework, emerging technologies, mindfulness practices, and even travel locations. You can expect posts once or twice a month.
Today, I want to talk about something foundational: the daily routine. Specifically, how to begin—or re-begin—one in a way that feels doable, grounded, and meaningful.
Why Daily Routines Matter
The most important part of a daily routine is to start small and commit to it wholeheartedly.
It generally takes at least 21 days to establish a habit, and some research suggests it may take closer to 40. Either way, the process of showing up daily fires new pathways in the brain—leaving us ready for expansion.
A stabilized routine signals to your body and energy field:
“This is important. I am showing up. I can be trusted.”
This kind of responsibility naturally attracts more growth. But that only happens if we’re honest about what we can actually commit to.
Real Talk: My Struggle With Routine
Even though I’ve been doing energy work for years, I struggled for a long time to follow the Eden Energy Method’s Daily Energy Routine. I’d start strong… then forget… then skip… then feel disappointed.
What finally worked? Starting very small—and never giving up on that small thing. That one simple success became a strong foundation that’s kept me steady through intense life shifts: new jobs, relationships, trauma, and more.
Know Yourself First
Depending on your personality, sensory type, and elemental makeup, you’ll need more or less structure. Ask yourself:
Do I thrive with a specific time each day?
Morning, evening, or spread out?
Do I prefer scheduled days off, or no skipping at all?
Do checklists help me? Reminders on the mirror or fridge?
Do I want a flexible commitment, or a very specific regimen?
My First Tiny Commitment
I started with two simple promises:
Every time I filled my water bottle, I would bless my water by holding it and saying:
“Thank you. I love you.”I would do some kind of healing or energy work every day—even just one technique.
That’s it.
I didn’t over-commit. I didn’t set a time or a checklist. I just chose something I could follow through on. This reinforced a sense of success and helped prevent old stories of failure or shame from re-surfacing.
Once I had 21+ days of that under my belt, I was ready to build on it.
Molly’s Daily Routine
This is what my routine often looks like now. (If you’re curious about any specific technique, feel free to email me at lifetidehealing@gmail.com and I’ll share more.)
Early Morning (4–6 am):
Wake slowly and hold two chakras (usually 1 & 4 or 2 & 4)
Begin energy work:
Hook Up (often holding the navel and third eye)
Open foot gates
Wayne Cook Posture
Crown Pull
Shoulder Cross-Over
Massage neuro-lymphatic points
Four Thumps
After Getting Out of Bed (~6 am):
Stretching, Cross Crawl, or other movement
Create a morning beverage and bless my water
Later in the Day:
Do some form of exercise, depending on how the day flows:
Full workout
Or just a few air squats or jumping jacks
My Only Commitments
Although the full routine may shift, my three non-negotiables are:
Bless my water
Do some form of energy work daily
Move my body in some way
This gives me freedom to respond to how I feel each day, while still honoring the stability of showing up.
Your Turn
What’s one tiny daily promise you can make to yourself?
What structure or support would help you stay with it?
How might you grow your routine over time?
Let me know how your routine is going, what you’re building, or what’s getting in the way. I’d love to hear from you.
With love,
Molly
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Want more info about the techniques I mention here?
Inquire at: molly@lifetide-wellness.com or visit www.lifetide-wellness.com